shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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