so that wasnt chicken after all
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
