i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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