I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
