dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I just threw up on my dentist
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
