you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
