I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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