i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize