She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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