we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
