Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
