Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
