Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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