Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
