she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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