Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize