my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
