I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
