Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
You can't motorboat a personality
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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