I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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