Got a toothbrush?
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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