wanna go halves on a baby?
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
