one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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