On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
