You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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