I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize