I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize