you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
