some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
It's official drugs can't kill me
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
