3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Randomize
