I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
