So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
