I swear she didn't look like that last week.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
