I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
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