i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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