i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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