So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
