Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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