it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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