I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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