the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
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