...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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