and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
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