i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
