it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
