I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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