Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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