So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
