Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
