if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
