Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
