Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
