he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
