Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize