hotel room ftw
Who did Billy Mays play for?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
