I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize