we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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