im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Randomize
