Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize