apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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