I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
North Korea, Best Korea!
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
