i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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