If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
