I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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