Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
