you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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