she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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