He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
