So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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