Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
