captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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