I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
When are your genitals available?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Randomize
