I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize