He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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