i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
