god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
