He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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