I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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