I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
