Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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