She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
